Group Guide: Ephesians 5:22-33

At the heart of his letter, the Apostle Paul’s argument is that believers should live radically different lives because of the radical blessings God has poured out upon them in Christ. Perhaps the one area that should stand out in stark contrast to how the rest of the world lives is the relationship of marriage. After exhorting the wives to submit to their own husbands as unto the Lord, Paul addresses husbands and their roles in the marriage relationship.

In these verses we see that the Christian husband has two main roles to fulfill in his relationship with his wife. He has the role of leader and the role of lover.

The Role of Leader

When Paul says that the husband is the head of the wife, in verse 23, the meaning there is that the husband has the responsibility to lead his wife and family. As the leader, the husband needs to address two questions. The first question is, where are we going? What is the objective? What am I leading others to do? Biblically, the answer to that question is, “I am leading my wife and family to honor God and to flourish spiritually”. This is what Paul has been speaking about. He has been exhorting these Christ followers to live in a manner worthy of their calling (4:1), to walk in love (5:2), to walk in wisdom (5:15). The husband leads in this spiritual objective by modeling a life that is “filled with the Spirit” (5:18), by praying for his wife and family, by speaking spiritual truth in love (4:15), and by making decisions, in collaboration with his wife, that honors the Lord.

The second question as leader must address is, “How do I lead” or “What does my leadership look like”? Jesus answers this question in Matthew 20:20-28 when he teaches that for the Christian, leadership looks like servanthood. Husbands are not to lead their wives and families by Lording over them but by serving them. The husband should be the biggest server in the family. Serving his wife by addressing her needs and making her life easier and more pleasant.

The Role of Lover

Three times in these verses the husband is instructed to love his wife. Love is a commitment to another person’s best interest, resulting in actions and restraints that usually come with a price. When Paul instructs the husbands to love their wives as “Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her” (5:25) he is reminding them that their love for their wives should be a sacrificial love. When a husband is willing to sacrifice his time, money, interests, preferences, and even his own needs, for the betterment of his wife, he address her need for security and safety. In doing so, Paul teaches that in reality he is loving himself (5:28). As the husband sacrificially pours into his wife, he is pouring into the one who ultimately pouring into him.

Both the husband and the wife are to consider each other as more important than themselves. When both are focused on building up the other, they both can flourish in God’s plan.